thought

this small bird
July 06, 2004

To counteract the sluggishness from quitting smoking, I started drinking maté. To counteract the destructive crashing from drinking maté, I started drinking St. John's Wort tea. Then I spun around with sharpened fingernails on the ends of my arms, hoping to steal some skin.

None of that really worked all that great. So I cut out everything but the happy tea. I woke up this morning in a fantastic mood, even though by my normal mopey standards, I don't have anything to be so chipper about. It's like there's something happy and shining right around the corner that I've simply forgotten about.

In the meantime, we have product lust to satiate us. I've been able to successfully develop a few rolls of film in my kitchen and I just got word that my film scanner is shipping. Then I'll have to lock myself in my apartment for several days scanning all the damned film I have. But it'll be worth it.

I have this thing... this small bird. It is somewhere between project and spell. Probably both. And I swear this time I'm going to finish it. It's really all about finding the motivations that keep on giving... either to the ape brain or the reptile brain.